its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off
She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
Making and watching you take a mixed shot with vodka, chocolate syrup, tobasco sauce, cranberry juice, and sundried tomato juice wasnt the highlite of my night. Hearing you puking from downstairs was.
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
I went home with him again and he LEFT HIS OWN HOUSE at 2 in the morning while I was IN THE BATHROOM.
If you wake up with half a an eyebrow.... I'm pretty sure it was a good time.
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
Randomize
