I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
I thought about farting is his face when he was going down on me last nite.
I just got a new temperpedic mattress pad and started smoking weed again in the same week. finding motivation to go to a 9:AM class is close to impossible.
there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
FYI I'm about to upload a vid of you to facebook of you screaming "SNACK ATTACK" and throwing cheetos at everyone playing pong...
We are there now. They have a giant cock and balls with an eagles face and wings.
She's dressed as a slutty goth schoolgirl. Those are my three favorite things. God himself could not give me whiskey dick.
Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
I dunno what to tell you sport. Short of having a shock collar on, you're gonna wanna hook up with people.
Randomize
