May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
Her thighs are so strong. I thought my head was gonna get crushed when I was eating her out
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
I was thrown in the air atleast 3 times by baby jesus
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
i have never been so sexually frustrated as I am right now. I feel like dying...is death an option?
I just had some kinky fun in the back seat of my car behind a Ralph's in south county. How's your thanksgiving eve?
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
I don't know what that means but it's making me want to fuck you.
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
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