you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
He won't talk to me. He'll only communicate using scissors
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
Everyone is hammered wasted already...young, old, the dying, babies...we got them all
Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
New development. Drinking at work is so easy and awesome I might have to do it everyday.
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
I completely forgot about the posting of partying pics shortly after adding my gma my dad was like grandma says your all over fb but she doesn't know how to use it. Of course I'm all over her fb. She's got 6 friends I am her newsfeed
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
I actually haven't slept with anyone in a while. I think my whore phase is just seasonal.
Apparently the guy with the moaning gf that lives above us is in my DES class... AWKWARD
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
Like he legitimately was standing straight up, feet on the roof, not holding on to a moving car.
Randomize
