I think I'm maturing; i was gonna watch porn and then take a nap but i motivated myself to put my laundry in first.
Just cropdusted the office
like a sex slave...but with a better dental insurance plan
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
I think i just shit in their garbage can, I'm ready for that ride u owe bro.
He seduced me by making me nachos. It worked.
A thong just fell out of my purse in front of my whole class maybe I should stop using this morning class as my walk of shame
Who knew a blowjob could cause this kind of crazy
He wasn't prepared for it
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
I came back from England with a face tattoo and the only thing anyone can talk about is my beard.
Hey buddy, turns out those were the PB&shroomwiches, soooo you may want to reconsider dinner with your girlfriends family tonight...
Access to a Target is paramount to my general happiness and self-worth.
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
He was actually surprised when I poured myself a glass full of straight vodka. Clearly he doesn't know me as well as he thinks.
He answered the door stark naked. When I called him on it he shrugged and said 'casual Friday ' Some boys can't be trusted to work from home.
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