So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
If I had a nickel for every time my parents threatened to stop paying tuition I would be a very rich man. Rich enough to pay my own tuition.
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
He wheeled me around walmart in a cart, and stole at least 30 dollars of junior mints fpr me. Best date ever.
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
He fucked me over, so I'm going to do what any rational woman does. I'm going to get really high and have sex with his brother.
Bro, she said she wanteo to fuck me with my white Nike cap on so I resemble a douchebag. I think my choice of women might be coming into question
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
You is single now. The world is your ass buffet.
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
Randomize
