just found more coke in my pocket. i love not washing my jeans after every individual use.
I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
right before he busted, he moaned the british are coming.
only on the fourth of july.
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
I'm not sure if doing him was such a good idea. Yes the sex was good, but I'm scared I set myself up for failure in 2011 because he's the hottest guy. Ever.
I've been timing it. He's been showering alone for 33 minutes. 4 minutes ago, he said "truth or dare." haven't heard anything since.
Last time Jon threw a party I woke up on my porch, no shirt but 4 bras on, and "make better life choices" written on my stomach in sharpie
id one day like to live in a world full of emotionless and wonderfully fullfilling sex...
I decided taking Molly and seeing Birdman seemed like a wise life choice.
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
Broke my ankle and blacked out on my scooter last night. 'Twas grand.
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
she peed her pants, took them off, the put them back on. but she only put her legs in one hole.
Randomize
