I'm at a crab and wine festival with my dad. He just introduced me as his girlfriend to all of his co-workers. I am so drunk I thought he was serious.
There was so much of it... it was like he poured a bowl of pudding on my face. It's not bad for your hair is it?
my cat ate my toast this morning while i was getting dressed. i can already tell today is going to suck.
For the amount I put out, I should be going on way more dates.
she uses eco-friendly sex toys. she is the literal definition of a hippie.
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
going to a night class in lingerie so i can quickly go to his house after.
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
Not drinking has really freed up a lot of my time. I made a bracelet yesterday. I miss bars.
I couldn't drink enough to fuck the friend, you said challenge accepted and stole some chicks shot.
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
BTW, Julia referred to you as a power bottom. Are you available?
We were in a bathroom while 4 dudes compared dick piercings.
Buffalowww
Can u pick me up? Lost my keys.
Sure. FYI- you "lost" them on the roof, trying to throw them over the house.
Randomize
