if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
This is the guy who showed up to the first day of class with a 24 pack of coke and a handle of rum in his backpack. He doesnt play by normal people rules.
I got to explain to the guys at work today how i had no choice but to go to a gay bar because I was handcuffed to a lesbian.
Um of course I blew him. He brought me a shamrock shake. It was two o’clock in the morning on St. Patrick’s Day. There was no smoother move basically. He totally earned that head.
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
her tits were more amazing then brown bears with armor and guns that fire bullets of Justice that destroys inequality.
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
A homeless man gave him a blanket and an ambulance drove him to sarahs...
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
This sucks! All of the twenty something dick I was getting went home when the university closed
Randomize
