She actually asked me 'is it in yet?' I deleted the vid.
She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
Nope it's a specific set of cards not like a normal ace, queen king thing....kinda like UNO, but instead of yelling UNO you get shitfaced
he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
That was the gentlest I've ever been bitten in the face by a dog
Btw, I'm creating an event on fb to celebrate the one yr anniversary since we went to jail.
I'm gonna be a few minutes late, some asshole just fell off the ferry so we had to stop.
just run out there and shit all over the driveway when he comes.. and then point at him
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
So we just smoked a bowl, out of an antler, with this old dude, while standing at the bar. Dude just walked up and said we were in his spot, just began packing it and handing it around...
Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco.
You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
He showed up soaking wet with a flashlight and a ping pong ball. I couldn't say no
Well we've always known you have a weakness for guys with balls in their hands
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