# days @ Coachella: 1 people i showed how to break it down: 279
i saw a guy balancing a black cat on his head last nite
get a pic
i tried he was too far away anotherguy was walking with paper bags on his feet explain that
i want ur life
I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
She said "I only hook up with guys I'm dating"
So... What happend then?
We dated for an hour, i broke up with her after. BOOM.
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
We told you to stay put for 2 minutes. We come back out and your being handcuffed yelling "DO YOU FEEL LIKE A GOOD FUCKING PERSON ARRESTING ME ON MY BIRTHDAY?!"
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
Its okay, i dont mind you drinking, im just surrounded by it, there is some random dude laying on your couch with a bucket that ive never seen before
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
HE GAVE ME ONE OF HIS BEERS.
YOU'RE THE CHOSEN ONE.
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
His dick is as big as my 7" heels... Awkwardness is forgotten.
In unrelated news guys should not ask what I'm doing/wearing if they can't handle an honest answer. I'm not pretending I'm not sitting on the couch in yoga pants watching Community so you can beat off.
Wound up hungover. Visiting 4 y/o nephew suggested cookies and milk and playing Kirby with him with the sound down. This kid is going places.
Randomize
