Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
So is chris hansen cool in person? Or is it just awkward while you wait for the cops?
I found out he doesn't have a facebook, twitter, or myspace. So, I'm going to actually go to his house to spy on him.
she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
So somehow I got from NYC to a suburban town in the middle of Jersey. At 4am. Thank god there are trains that can rectify my mistakes...
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
I did shrooms last night. My drug checklist is complete, I can finally graduate.
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
And you are going to be so turned on by my batman skills later
I'm SO high. And there is so much pudding in this car
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
All my friends are getting married and I'm pole dancing in a tattoo shop. I don't know how I feel about this.
They spent thousands on one day. You made $76 in 30 minutes. You should feel great about that.
Randomize
