He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
My mom just asked me if I was gay in front of my gf
that's like... drinking popov and saying its the worlds best vodka. you gotta try some others first. THERE SHOULD BE A MISS AMERICA PAGEANT. but like, mr penis. and they can do tricks and make unintelligent remarks and wear sparkly condoms.
Picking up hoes with my dad is going to make it a little harder, but ay, if thats how he wants to bond after 23 years, Ill give it a shot
I just had my first boner in 64 days today....glad to find out my fluids are still pumpin
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
Regret, thy taste is box wine.
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
Before consuming her Waffle House she did a few deep breaths and cleared the table to "prepare herself for this"
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
while giving me head, she stopped, looked up at me smiling and said "ill never be able to look at bananas the same way again" and then went back to work.
I'm too pretty to be this sexually frustrated.
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
My mom just used the chap stick I used right after giving him a blow job. I am a horrible daughter :(
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