You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
Let me guess--your parents are cousins.
its no coincidence her full name and "cling" are the same in t9
I was so high I couldnt even listen to music i was terrified of the potential knowledge i would gain.
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
This drive is very scenic
And I'm chugging whiskey in the back
As you should, soak in all this country has to offer
Uhh dog found a condom. FYI its on the table by couch please dispose of it. No reply Necessary
In other news, I'm pretty sure my mom was encouraging me to have a threesome yesterday... I don't even want to start digging in that garden of horror and trauma.
I got "plug" during family Catch Phrase and struggled to not make a reference to butt plug so I skipped it
I hate when I wake up and find my vibrator next to me. Such a waste of an orgasm...getting myself off in my sleep and not remembering
The prescription the hospital gave me for pain and nausea doubles for my hangovers... Maybe I'll hit up the ER more often
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
Randomize
