So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
I'm kind of concerned that there are now two different videos of me with knives
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
I would like to dedicate my cray behavior this week to my uncontrollable hormones and wine. Both have totally Efff'ed with my life.
I still have the video of you three making soup in my kitchen and asking random people for permission DURING the party, not after like usually
Don't remember, didn't happen
I HAVE THE VIDEO YOU DICK IT HAPPENED
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
the D I S R E S P E C T of sending someone nudes, them opening it, and not bothering to respond
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
Is constant horniness a medical condition? Because a husband, a boyfriend and an office side piece should be enough penis for one girl - but they’re not :-(
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