I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
God. I look like such a fucking stand up guy wearing polo shirts. You would totally trust me not to date rape you.
she needs to go suck a dildo, because she isn't worth a dick
Come over! I've just turned Titanic into a drinking game. I drink every time I want to fuck Leonardo DiCaprio.
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
The two guys from next door helped him do a backflip. The ended up throwing him halfway through a ceiling tile. Don't worry, we fixed it with duct tape.
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
I'm just planning on experiencing Disney as adult style as it gets. Drinking bloody mary's at dawn and telling all the kids waiting in lines how badly their future sucks and that Santa isn't real.
I feel like it'll be a success as long as she doesn't end up dead in a ditch. There has to be a line somewhere.
I'd like to believe that in some alternate universe we are living this wonderful lesbian life together..
Is there a particular reason why everyone is now calling you Butt Doctor?
WHO GIVES HANDJOBS AT 8 IN THE FUCKING MORNING
Finally fucked my buddy's mom!! We are both ten years older and for her it really shows but i hit it!!
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