another moral hangover. fuck.
I faked an abortion last night.
what do you have against ST
DO NOT ABBREVIATE LIKE YOU AND STAR TREK ARE FRIENDS.
I'm eating all of the evidence.
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
He kept his baseball cap on when he went down on me...
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
He smashed a plastic chair leg on a tree stump, threw himself into the side of our metal enclosure, stomped on the wreckage for a bit and then punched the fire.
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
He? As in you personified your dick?
I can't decide if this outfit makes me look like a pirate. I also can't decide if I care if it does.
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.
Randomize
