k, so I just picked a four leaf clover, then saw my dads penis. Lucky? I think not.
just peed in the tub. didnt notice the passed out drunk guys there until a minute in
She bet her virginity on the Celtics. Looks like Kobe wont be the only one breaking in a new ring.
I woke up to three texts telling me to "go fuck myself," a panicked voicemail from my mom, and a girl thanking me... I'm not sure which I should take care of first
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
"Clean/organize my room day" turned into "Blast my old Jock Jams cds while getting high as fuck with a strobe light day"
I'd like to stay optimistic, but I have this nagging suspicion my penis is in for a disappointing holiday weekend.
I think I'm drunk at the airport. Oh the possibilities
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
Remember that time you puked in the middle of wendy's?
Yeah, why?
The staff still remembers me for cleaning it up. Thanks for the free frosty and fries
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
You went after him with a sword while screaming “FAJITAS!”. And Todd was dressed as a Goth for some reason
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