It's like sexual therapy. We hooked up. And now were talking about our recent breakups.
Emoooo
She says ass holes are for stuffing, the verb, not stuffing, the noun.
I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf
when we asked you if you had had anything to drink tonight you looked up from the toilet while cupping the water into your hands and said "this.. just this"
We just threw our carpet out of our room. Via fourth floor window style.
after last halloween when i met that 26yr old guy from russia who was hot until we madeout and he became obsessed with touching my forehead after the ecstasy he did and then tried to sell me pills from an m&m mini container, i think im staying away from parties downtown
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
Showering in not my own throw up is really hittin the spot right now.
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
I never thought I could be this turned on by a man wearing racoon tails.
PSA- Wearing assless chaps results in embarrassingly painful sunburn
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
Randomize
