Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
Two girls down stairs, two girls up stairs and....
We've got ourselves a situation
I have started doing my homework in bars. It just feels right.
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
Do you think that we can get a group discount on liver transplants? We'll be like kids again!
Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
Your argument isn't valid... just because I test the waters doesn't make me gay. Makes me versatile. And who doesn't love that!
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
some people waaaaait a lifetime for a hookuppp like this some people seeeearch forever for that one special handjobbb
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
I think I gave the bachelor party directions to the breweries next to my dentist so that they could take me to my appointment and pick me up afterward...
ill let you put your finger in a lot of things. but a ring is not one of them.
Randomize
