How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
I think it's time we have the "weird fetish" talk.
My vagina is depressed thinking about her future.
He drives a BMW. I have to fuck him. Girl Code Rule #26.
Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
Only I could host a baby shower where the cops get called.
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
Go have a frustration cry and get over it
I mean we all knew i was gonna get arrested eventually but shoplifting is lame so dont tell anyone. Well just let them assume public nudity or something
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
Something in me snapped and now I’m just googling famous vegans.
Randomize
