you definitely have a few illegitimate kids
probs. Not too worried about it though. MOst girls are too embarrassed that they let me into their pants that they'll never admit its mine
I know the vomits not mine cause its on my back.
you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
You just can't come from being "the girl who shit her pants."
You have no idea what this goes for my ego. I literally made you cum in your sleep.
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
I was just thinking about all the dick I could catch while I am home. But then I realized I am too lazy to get out of my pjs and leave my cat.
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
Randomize
