sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
last night i found where hot topic managers go to die after they get fired.
My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
Only I could do what I did last night and feel perfectly ok working around children the next day
I'm gonna need a helmet and adult supervision by 9...
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
I mean really it's like when you're super hungry and you can't decide what to eat, you just know you want food. This is that situation, but for my vagina
Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
If I get a 4.0 I am doing SO much cocaine.
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
Randomize
