i just watched my husband get a prostate exam. sex is ruined for me.
after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
My dick is covered in produce stickers. I suspect you
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
That awkward moment when you can't tell what smells like tacos: you, the cat, or the strange guys blanket your so tenderly swaddled in.
Just thinking about this summer makes me feel a slight tingle of an orgasm mixed with a twinge of regret as the cold ghostly feeling of multiple hangovers creep into my body.
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
Where are you and why are you fighting with a bird?
I just used a gift card from my in-laws to buy their daughter a vibrator. What even are morals?
Went to open youtube this morning, and the last search was "ten hours of whale sounds" Best pillow talk ever!
I just went to cvs and bought condoms, handcuffs and a coloring book
Lesbians just stole my cat :(
Just letting you know that while you peed your pants in that guys jeep, The orgasm I had made my hair fall out... Good morning.
Randomize
