I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
Mike is offhisass drunk and just sat down next to my sister and said "If you gained 30 pounds and stopped reading poetry, I would be attracted to you. Now, your little sister, attractive, even though she's basically the same person as you- she just pulls it off better because she's 15."
You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
Well regardless of where or with who you will be blacking out and i will be pouring shots down ur throat like a baby bird
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
I'm going to make a mold of my tits to bake a cake for him for our anniversary.. I can see the pride in his eyes now.
I was tied up in bed before noon, the rest of the day can go to hell.
Just high enough for therapy.
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
These cutoffs are too tight but my ass looks like Freedom
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
Randomize
