Facebook is asking me which Pokemon I'd be. Is there one whose only moves are gay sex and reading Adrienne Rich?
Do NOT cum in me, on me, or in my bed.
Its like the long john silvers of colleges, I wouldnt even go there to use the bathroom
Its like a 4.5 hour drive but there's drinking involved so I'm destined to go
was i strangled at any point last night? or was his dick just that long
He is juggling broken glass botttles, I think its time to cut him off...
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
Yea no bueno and I only brought enough weed to last one night. And it was no Hanukah nug, it didn't last 8 days.
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
Also this is super embarrassing but sorry for licking your chest
What's with guys asking if I wanna "kick it" like I'm some fucking 19 year old
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
Randomize
