Watching NYC prep. Doing a shot everytime one of these d-bags flips his hair. I give it 10 minutes before alcohol poisoning set in.
did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
we're ranked number 5 for having the most pot in the country for a university school. idk if i should feel worried or just plain blessed.
Somebody was walking their dog with their car. seriously
But don't worry I didn't actually get stitches, although according to the health center I probably should have
I think I'm goin to jail but either way I had a blast.
Remember that girl that we found passed out in the dorm study room under a pile of money and jimmy johns wrappers? She's standing right on front of me.
Last I saw, they went for a smoke and only one came back. He passed out outside. I'm glad he's only 120lbs. I left him on the rug still. My mom is gonna be pissed.
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
He's got a beautiful penis, I can't lie
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