I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
4 words: hood of his car
you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
our conversations pretty much only consist of the phrase 'fuck you'. and the sex is fantastic. we've got a great thing going here.
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
At 27 it's no longer called 'slutty', it's called having a healthy sex life...
In the morning he said my plan to make 2 casseroles today was, "hot in a grandma sort of way," & I didn't think it was weird. THAT'S how hot he was.
COME HERE AND I WILL SUCK YOUR COCK UNDER THE LIGHT OF THIS BEAUTIFUL ELECTRICITY
It's one of those "I can't stand you but we're stuck in the same hotel room tonight so let's fuck until one of us passes out" kind of nights.
Randomize
