Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
I wish you could order shots online.
it's all fun and games until somebody pulls the tampon string..
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
Full contact beer pong was definitely not my best idea.
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
Just woke up to find that I'd left a stove burner on for the past 6 hours or so. I'm now banned from Ambien cooking.
he asked me if i wanted to hook up & my answer was 'why not'. he came in thirty seconds and the condom broke. it's the love story of the century
Peeing in taco bell cups is part of the fun of going to taco bell
So what's it like to be pregnant?
It feels like I'm hungover and when I was drunk I was kicked off a mechanical bull and then trampled.
Randomize
