you're dressed like that and you're on the rag, that's false advertisment
"Does your mom know how big your cock is?" Worst dirty talk I've ever had.
she laid there and continued moaning loudly for like 10 minutes after we were done, just so that her mom would be jealous
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
The bald eagles cry cause u drink canadian beer.
Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
All I want is to send a text that says "i slept with someone while wearing nothing but purple argyle socks this weekend." But the only person i would send that to is you. But you already know. Because they were your socks.
also, sleeping with your chipotle guy sounds like a good idea until you want chipotle on your day off and have to look somewhat presentable to acquire said chipotle.
I smoked my last bong as the sun rose. It was magical.
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
I paper cut my nipple reading mail topless
Let's ride this possibly pregnant train together
no offense but you looked like shit yesterday
tequila is unforgiving..
I realized my soar muscles form the shape of me leaning over a toilet
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
Randomize
