Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
It doesn't matter if I tell the story beginning to end or end to beginning, the story still starts with a random girl blowing me in the bathroom.
Totally using formspring as an incognito way of making sure that girl from last night wasn't jailbait.
I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?
What should we drink tonight, I'm in the mood to be judged
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
This is what we get for YOLOing our way to obesity
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
the cop asked if i was drunk and i responded with "breathalize me, cap'n". incidentally, he was a captain and i blew a .13.
Randomize
