WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
I was just compiling a top 5 blowjobs list and that's in there for sure.
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
What are your thoughts toward getting nasty in a minivan?
Literally been in their house 5 minutes and I've projectile vomited all over the bathroom wall. The dog licked it up though so I think it's cool.
she squeaked mid orgaism. I laughed she cried
Randomize
