Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
It's summer and yet I still can't have one library session w/o seeing someone who has had their penis in me.
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
Well she just peed in a pot and is now trying to boil it
I dunno. Last time I went there I had got sexually propositioned by a Belgian prince.
I think that's mostly how we became friends.
Well that, and your desire to put your penis in me.
Kinda forgot to grab tampons. Mind if I run to my house to get one? I'd rather not turn my green skinny jeans Christmas colors
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
you don't go into accounting for the pussy....
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
I am going to constantly be reminded of you for the next couple of days because of how sore my vagina is. It's just the price I have to pay.
I forgot to bring soap and all I could find here was body wash. It's like bathing with laundry detergent.
Randomize
