The guy asked if i had a problem w/set schedules
I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
I refuse to go to this wedding alone, or sober. Practice drunk-walking in heels and a Bridesmaid dress begins tonight.
According to this USDA thing I just read, I should either get upper respiratory issues or begin to bleed from my nose and mouth.
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
Isn't it my whole life blown into this perfect spoon shaped piece of melted and artificially colored sand?
Wow.
Happy cinco de mayo!! Puke filled sombrero in the lawn needs to be picked up and whos never punched my fence boards in half needs to replace those by the way the owner of those panties (see attached photo) anytime you wanna cum over;-) hiii!
I appreciate your acceptance of my lack of morals
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
Randomize
