You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
Getting sheets for college, what is the thread count that shows the least amount of cumstains?
630.
Someone in a vagina costume on campus.
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
I screamed "I want dick!" in the middle of the intersection. So many hot guys. I wish you were here.
he wears New Balance sneakers on a regular basis, did you really expect the sex to be more than decent?
My mom said she saw you at the grocery store. Said you looked like you were "headed for a Lindsay Lohan quarter life crisis of sorts"
There's only two more days left to say you saw me naked this year.....I'll bring the booze, you got all of next year to rationalize why.
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
I hate the cold months. Everybody starts hibernating and I start talking to guys I would never normally talk to. You have a drug habit and no license? Perfect candidate for a boyfriend...
HE IS. YOU SHOULD TOUCH HIS BACK.
IT IS A COURTSHIP RITUAL.
THE MUTUAL BUTT TOUCH IS SACRED.
after we fucked i left the room and when i came back he was patting his dick whispering "prouda you lil guy...prouda you"
And to be clear I have only watched porn like 3 times at work
Randomize