You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
Having skype sex with him in the lounge at 1:45am...THIS IS WHAT HE DOES TO ME
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
We were in the shower and he sat down an wouldn't do anything. I'm so glad he manscapes. It made washing his balls less awkward.
Don't make this awkward for me. Don't let your mom come near the bathroom. I can't meet your mom for the first time while I'm shitting. Dont make this awkward.
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
Seeing the pictures of him and i, I'm giving whiskey the win on this one. Definitely had beer goggles.
Watching videos from last night and u go "I should be the president, I can get whatever I want w my tits"
New rule: I am no longer allowed to speak
We've only been here for 15 hours and our names are already on 2 separate police reports. We've also been given our "final warning" by the cops and hotel management.
Don't I can pass these orgasm blushes off as sunburn for much longer...
Let us ponder on the good times. Ya know when the Jonas brothers were incapable of growing facial hair and I didn't fully understand what a dick looks like
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
Randomize
