8:17pm: So, How was fun day?
1:15am: So I just woke up in my bed in my bathing suit... I don't remember getting into bed or dinner or anything after slip n slide that happened around five... I'd say fun day was a success
I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
Attention: due to the power outage we will not be playing drinking games and watching the royal wedding. Bring your own bottle and we'll just drink in silence.
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
Did i actually sleep there? Or did i just get sand everywhere?
So I walk in and he's teaching someone in London via Skype how to roll a blunt. I have new found respect for him.
GET ME OUT OF HERE THE DOCTOR KNOWS HE IS JUDGING ME I DEMAND A PRISON BREAK
Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
7% of guys ive been with can get me off... I did the math!
Next time you decide to post pictures of yourself in your underwear on facebook, please don't tag me as your bulge.. My mom spent 10 minutes looking for me in that picture. I had to tell her I was hiding.
This past week everybody of fb either got rings or semen. All I got was Covid.
Randomize
