She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
He smothers me through text. I can't even image what he'd be like in person.
I'm taking this break up pretty rough.. I've never been to sad to masturbate.
Judging by her face, I'd say she's at least dabbled with meth...
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
Hardly remember what he looks like and the man has seen me passed out spread eagle. I begin this journey with such a disadvantage.
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
I'm going to superglue stuart's hands into socker boppers
I keep having to have that awkward "I don't want to have sex with you" convo. I thought wearing sweatpants was suppose to prevent this situation..
Can I bring some rope too? It's not too early for bondage talk, is it?
Had sex with one of the guys from Ireland. Celebrating st pattys early.
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
whole 5th of capt = waking up in the shower after 2 hours and the whole house asking why i'm STILL in a towel. and me having nothing to say
Randomize
