Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
I thought she was going to get passionate and throw her on the bed and fuck her, but she just started breaking stuff.
That's the thing about women.
Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
I wish I loved anything like you love Tequila.
Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
Were going to have to vacuum the bathtub, great party
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
Dude, we tried to feed you but you just started sobbing and ran away
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
I can make a sex schedule on Excel and send it to you guys
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.
This chick just walked out of the men's room with molly all over her nose and her shirt half unbuttoned. She nodded to all of us and said "gentlemen" as she exited
We need to stop smoking. I just ran into a glass door.
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