eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
The panties match.
I'll be right there.
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
Less than a month to graduation and I'm still blacking out on the reg tonguing down the closest breathing organism preferably with a penis but I'm flexible, and still havent figured out how to be functional on Fridays. WHY don't they teach us valuable shit at this institution!?
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
he asked me where I was going to school, and then we started having sex, and I answered his question forty five minutes later after we were done. It was the chilliest thing ever.
When Dad gets to your house, ask him about the sound of anal beads. Happy Thanksgiving!
You thought they were asking for volunteers for a karaoke contest so you jumped up not realizing it was actually a "last 3 minutes boxing match". But you took that right hook like a champ.
Aww his grandma died? That's sad! No mourning sex!!! That doesn't lead to good things!
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
Randomize
