You're in luck. The brownies don't even have butter, just vege oil
sexting on a treadmill. speed 9.0 beat that slut!
i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
it's like i need an invisible sign across my boobs that says "DOESN'T HAVE DADDY ISSUES" that only old men can see
Thank you blackberry messenger, for giving me a way to sext faster and more efficiently
Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
Two women at the Safeway just got out of their separate cars and kissed. One was driving an outback, the other a CRV. It was like a Honda and Subaru had a lesbian joint venture and filmed the commercial in front of me.
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
Blood work from physical was all good, apparently heavy alcohol use agrees with me
Why did the sexual harassment class show a clip from frozen?
I someohow managed to lose my butt plug in tne midst of moving to B.C. and I am not a happy camper.
I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.
What did he say?
He still asked if I want a home security system.
Tonight’s your last chance for a danger free blowjob.
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