It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
I am at the point in my high where i now know/understand chinese.
i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
so, does the "dick the size of your forearm" thing run in the family then?
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
Winner winner, chicken dinner. I am the sole survivor of the orgy without strep. Or maybe I was the carrier?
How is there no taco emoji?! That's some bullshit.
Btw I have come to the conclusion that we really need to do it in a bed. Like at least once..
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day 😐💀#pensacolaproblems
The cops high fived after they tackled you
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
Randomize
