it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
On a scale of one to Chris Brown, how angry are you?
Don't make me choose between a good grade and anal
I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.
90 persent of me said don't pee on that fake plant. Buyt i did
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
I just want dates and sex but the option to have that with whoever whenever I want
I just gave my mom some ones that look like they've probably been in some strippers cooter. Oops.
Haha. Just tell your mom not to smell them
Hey mom, most of this money I'm giving you is in ones. Don't ask why and whatever you do don't smell them.
Sounds legit to me.
By the way I got my period today. No NHL babies for me.
It all went downhill when I figured out I could launch myself into people with my crutches
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
“On a break” is implied when it’s a Russian chick dressed as Black Widow wearing Minnie Mouse ears
Randomize
