Who spends 33 dollars at Taco Bell and lives???
My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?
with your vagina and my liver, anything is possible
i just called. the lady was really nice. something tells me my schools clinic gets a lot of calls about chlamydia
Hey, this is Travis. I just so intelligently deduced that I am in a college dorm somewhere in western oregon. Probably WOU, based on the process of elimination.
I can hear my parents having sex. I REPEAT. I CAN HEAR MY PARENTS HAVING SEX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!
Your mom is 55 and has MS. To be honest, I'm proud of her, and you should be too, bitch.
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
We can stop fighting if you send me a picture of your dick standing at full attention wearing a sock.
I'll wait.
It can also be a hat.
The ecstacy made me so dehydrated I started licking condensation off car windows
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
are you still up? I want to use you for sexual things. you have 35 minutes to respond to this offer.
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
Think i may just have managed the saddest high-five in history. Finished a sudoku and high-fived myself, then looked around for somebody to high five. there was noone. forever alone.
Randomize
