I woke up this morning to the buzzer on my oven going off... I cooked fish sticks at 425 degrees for 5 hours last night. my house smells awesome
her cat was choking so she kept trying to stick her finger in her cat's mouth while saying "it's okay kitty, just do what mommy does"
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex
SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?
Bro that's the last time I try to stick my penis in a bowl of jello. I can't believe your sister ate that, did she not see my dick mold
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
I climbed out a window to pee last night because i thought i was locked in the room... Then crawled back in and went to bed. The poor neighbors.
Landen experienced Greenville for the first time last night. He was awaken by 2 cops and 4 EMS guys this morning in the bed of that truck that is for sale at the swashbuckler carwash, said he was trying to walk to waffle house... Greenville- 1, Landen- 0
Executive order 941: BRING ME THE FINEST PANCAKES!
You have got to stop watching the West Wing before going out.
Let's celebrate our freedom by getting high and doing stupid shit.
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.
I hope Trump leaves Planned Parenthood alone for at least another month. The week got away from me. #whorelando
skyped with him for 45 min in the bath while i shaved my legs. new level in the relashionship
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
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