wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
Your brother just successfully got half the bar mostly naked
She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone
I don't remember much but I know I looked hot.
Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
So my mom wants me to come swim with dolphins with my little sisters in October. I'm not sure how to tell her I saw a "when dolphins attack" special when I was rolling and am now terrified of them.
sending him nudies in gran's hospital bathroom. you?
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
Dude, you need better judgement.Trust me I know. I put my dick in the wrong mouths all the time
No we didn't talk. I was high and doing naked yoga in the living room when she walked in so it was just awkward. I didn't even know my dad had a girlfriend.
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
Randomize
