nobody is as good of a wingman as me. i make whoever im with look like mark wahlberg during his underwear model phase
I told him I was prego. He asked coul we do it without a condom now since I cldn't get any pregnanter. What an a-hole.
Just made a pepperoni sandwich with cheese, mayo, and pickles. Poverty is like pot, without the happy feeling.
God Help those hot young girls. It's going to be like Bambi in iraq. Except worse.
Eventually the creepy theater major quirks will come out. Probably in bed. Like role playing as the Phantom of the Opera
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
He said to use 30 racks as chairs and then drink til we fall thru the box
Hey so when you left last night was i wearing shoes?
It seems that only way I've actually improved myself after 2 years of writing for the school newspaper is that I've mastered the art of descriptive words to improve my sexting skills
I wish to strangle
whoa there darth vader
We had sex in his hot tub. Then we saved a mouse that almost drown in his pool. We celebrated our heroism with more sex.
I saw your dick pic and thought there goes the last thread of my heterosexuality.
It must have been good head...he put down the Xbox controller
He was gone when I woke up. But he left skid marks on my sheets and our unopened bottle of Titos is missing
New Rule: No more sleepovers with guys we met on Reddit
Randomize
