Come to wood. Julia is putting pants on. We must stop her.
i think i want to fuck a midget just to see how difficult it would be
I'm going to an arts college, I live next to the frat houses, and my room number is 420. god has plans for me and I couldn't be happier.
It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
I don't remember much, but my night is dated pre-Jaeger and post-Jaeger. Also, my boss may or may not have tucked me in.
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
I'm eating Doritos that I crushed up n put in a cup so I only have to chill minimally.
According to you, you were with your "Eskimo bro for life" last night.
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
Randomize