chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
it went kinda like vodka, childhood memories, screaming/cursing, fist fight, tears, broken shit, passing out. in that order. tis the season.
Life after highschool has not been kind to her. She looked fatter than Luke Wilson's face in those AT&T commercials.
so today in my theology class we brought up the proper way to have sex. so rough sex was said by the teacher...I said I know a girl that likes to be choked. sorry but everyone knew it was you
Are you seriously gonna shit with that life vest on?
There's a big bag of salt and vinegar chips and a Budweiser for when you wake up. Don't say I never did anything for you.
Im thinking about quitting weed for my dog
I just got peed on. This karma circle is starting to get vicious.
Sometimes I have to make sure these messages are going to you and I'm not about to give someone in my phone book a heart attack.
i just used a selfie stick to take an ass pic. i hate myself.
I JUST HAD TO SNORT THE REST OF MY BAG OF COKE BECAUSE THE BAG RIPPED IN THE WORK BATHROOM.
I'm guessing you feel amazing due to all the caps?
LETS GET THIS SHIT DONE. IM GONNA GET THIS SHIT DONE, FOREVER.
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
FUCKIN BIRDS ARE CHIRPING AT 4 IN THE MORNING. THE SUN ISN'T RISING YET MOTHERFUCKERS, GO BACK TO YOUR NESTS.
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
6 hours ago I jacked off a a guy for $100. I explained it away as "compensation" for gas and tolls. WHAT am I doing with my life? Quickest and easiest $100 I ever made though, haha
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