So I went on a date with this girl...and whos our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn't tell me about to afford my bday present.
what are u so afraid of ive smelled ur poop before
Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
Just saw the liqour store owner get into a mercedes, almost proud to be responsible for that
All i remember is people cheering me on to drink faster than the dog, out of the dog's bowl. I just couldn't stop.
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
Soooo how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes?
They just called to see if he wanted to come in at 2am for overtime. He's trashed. He literally carried on a 10 minute convo with his boss about woodchucks. As in the animal
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
Not blacking out at our finals party is my Everest
Well, if it gives you any indication, when I got there, there was already some dude passed out naked in the treehouse.
Btw that $18 I gave you to run around outside naked came out of your wallet.
You fell asleep while I was sucking your dick
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