Do you think the new Crest Whitestrips Advance Seal would stay on while I give him head? It would be great to knock out 2 things at once...
I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
After we had sex he bought me grape soda. I think I'll keep him.
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
I don't want to talk about it but I will say, that was the best two headed $68 blowjob. Ever.
btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
You are going to be so proud of me, I'm wearing underwear AND tights. That's two layers more than usual between my vagina and the world.
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
I told my doctor about us having twin chlamydia
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy.
I'm super disappointed in my clit.
Also I think I set a new personal record. Definitely slept with him less than 45 minutes after meeting him. Oh god my life.
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