I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
Just think, if your stepsister would've gotten knocked up 2 years earlier, she could've had a TV show. What a bitch.
It's official, my little sister has hooked up with more girls than I have.
I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
everything was going well until edgar threatened to handcuff the security guard to himself.
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
I love you. Thanks for all the blowjobs.
Im tired as fuck but i cant leave him here like this i gave him the acid and i feel the responsibillity to put his mind back together its fun im an architect about to about to construct a whole new belief and moral system inside this soul. Talk about the best psychothearpy
there COULD be a gas leak in our house... proceeding to smoke with extreme caution...
I only feel half bad for cheating on him because while we were fucking I was given great relationship advice and now I'm ready to work some things out.
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
We hooked up with 2 friends last night as always and she stole their fucking cocaine and I just had to drive to their house and make her give it back to him hahshshahahah only me
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
I'm going to the store to get corona, salad, and blunt wraps...
There's a hole in our hallway wall. Don't hate me. I'll fix it. It's only about the size of a beach ball. I promise to never scale walls in our apartment ever again. Don't hate me. I love you.
Randomize
