I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
At least it earned you a couple drinks. And something tells me you've touched grosser things with less incentive.
Apparently I blacked out and pissed all over the sliding glass door from the inside, as everyone watched from the outside helplessly....
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
My mom is lecturing me about 'invaluable housekeeping skills' while I google 'cocktails involving gin' on my phone. I can feel the generational gap looming in her silent judgment of my choices.
We just broke into a lion king sing along. Understanding is not possible.
look in the field by the highway and see if there is a high heel there. Or some Taco Bell bags.
eating on the run again ?
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
We met up and made out in front of an empanada spot, if that's not romance then idk what is.
somehow a ride to walgreens turned into a threesome.
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman
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