Regardless of the degree, it's probably not good to relate so closely to the Steve-O documentary.
Is it 'vaginas' or 'vaginae?'. Either way there were a shit ton of them.
soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
he kept his composure pretty well until he puked on the cop car
It's 1 AM and there's a guy outside my house belting out Bennie and The Jets. He stops in between verses to puke. I'm joining him.
What did you give her? She's trying to tape her wrists so her hands don't fall off.
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
Ugh..Yesterday was a complete alcohol fueled shit show. Not making eye contact with anyone today. Don't deserve it. Eye contact is for decent people.
And everyone was looking at me because it was cold and I was drunk and may have screamed "oh fuck" ... You know what, fuck that. What do people think they're getting at Denny's 2 in the morning
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
I think I recall josh coming in to the room to tuck us in and give us a few condoms and I threw them back all furious and told him 'we don't use those.' Oh god
Randomize
