4:33 am: Sleep on left side of my bed. T-shirts are second drawer on left side, boxers top right. I don't wake up when lights are on so feel free in my room..
Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
I would ask why there is a chair tied to the door of the fridge.. but I am not sure anyone knows the answer.
That's right. If she can't abide by the rules then she gets booted. It's like survivor booty call edition
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
I would think I was a stalker too if I wasn't myself
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
currently working on a look that screams, "I'm dead inside, but still trying to enjoy the ride"
I feel as if some line has been crossed, but only in this vague, WTF sort of way.
Shooting a bottle rocket from my penis was entirely justified. Twenty bucks is twenty buck no matter how you look at it
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
Yes please. My parents would fucking love him and I'd love fucking him. That's a win-win if I've ever seen one.
They were shocked that I could handle my liquor so well. I'm half Irish and half Russian. This is what I'm made for
Randomize
