I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
I look like a poor person in the cast of Gay Oliver.
he suggested we appoligize to eachother. then do blow and painkillers & have ourselves a make-up party.
about to get into a hot tub with three cops. this cant go well
If I don't come back from Italy with aids I did somethign wrong
This lumberjack with a huge beard is doing his group presentation in a dirty t shirt that says "I'm only 2 girls short of a threesome"
Just pulled a muscle trying to take a naked pic. I think it's time to start working out again.
Can we just talk about how I wrote out all the stuff I had to do this week and for Thursday it says "drink and cry"? ...I don't remember putting that but it sounds like something I would do
How hard is it to grasp the concept of 'I lost an impromptu saber bout and so I have to make a macaroni map of Soviet Russi, including Kazicstan'!?
Her mom came in and passed out drunk on the floor next to us while she was riding me, "it's all good, she does this all the time" is what she said
Do you ever get so high you're like vibrating
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
He has to be employed and covid free. That’s my standard. I can’t be picky. 2020 has killed my sex life.
Randomize
