wrigley field is MILF paradise
She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
I think I've given more of my business cards to Chipotle trying to win free burritos than anyone else
Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
There was a bottle of vodka and chips in a vase next to the bed
Just because you can put your penis in it does not make it "good stuff".
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
my last search of the night was "the physics of green eggs and ham" what the fuck
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
Dude. why do I feel like I am cheating on you every time I do shrooms?
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