Oh yes. The girl who wanted me to watch her pee.
New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
now that we've slept with the entire soccer team i think its time to expand the horizon.
i gave him a hand job with one hand and held the 40 with the other. this is like freshman year all over again.
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
I just really need to get the matching flask to go with my pill box. Is this another step towards rock bottom?
sitting alone on a bench with a sombrero and a bottle of vodka. really angry i got here before you guys.
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
No she probably looked into my aura and saw that my penis would ruin her.
Can I get that on a shirt
I met her at the quidditch match. She was the snitch and I caught her. After at the bar she walked up grabbed my hand and said snitches have flesh memories.
I was about to share my drunken story from the weekend, but two friends getting married and one finding out she's pregnant makes Saturday in jail look a little suspect.
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
Randomize
