Laziness has reached now heights if you too unmotivated to buy pot
And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
So... on the count of three, we are going to forget last night ever happened... 1...2...3
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
figured after she passed out and i threw up in her bed, morning sex would be pushing it.
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
There are two guys's cum on my sheets. Be a man and be the third.
Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
Tomorrow has nothing to do with the threesome
I am the one with the vagina. I get to call it.
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
Randomize