No. You are not the Kate in this relationship. I will do what I want.
Is it bad everytime a fat person orders fraps I want to tell them to slow their rolls
I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
The only thing I regret was that he was wearing a scarf when we made out.
Fried chicken is a must. Do strippers eat fried chicken or should I plan on something else?
I'm sure we could make a ball of yarn and a nickel into a drinking game
The one time my sister did shrooms she thought she was thumbalina. I can't live my life that way
If he's gonna send me dick pics; he should at least zoom in to make it look bigger.
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
I need to stop challenging people to taking off clothes. I win too often
The shrooms were awesome. Everyone's bones in their face looked so beautiful! Everyone had great face structures.
Randomize
