They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
yeah i was sneaking up to her room and on the way i saw a picture of her and left
we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
the worst part of it wasnt him peeing on the xbox. it was when he showed me his penis and made a kissy face at me. THAT was painful.
Best friends brother. Beat that.
Could be my worst decision since the whole 'third degree burn' fiasco.
At the party. I feel like I just walked into a lifesize blunt.
I blew him while watching the aristocats. There were singing cats in the background. I think he he hummed along at one point.
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
This may have to wait till tomorrow. I smoked so my back wouldn't hurt and I overshot relaxed by like 4 hits casually
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
Randomize
