Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
Are you going to tell your therapist we boned?
we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?
He cheated on me in real life. I can cheat at words with friends.
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
I may have dislocated my hip getting fucked on the bathroom counter
Tomorrow's lesson plan is going to be on hangovers and why drinking during the week is never a good idea. I hope my boss approves.
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