Ok seriously, can we bring back badminton?
Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
Most of the time people just stick whatever they want in my mouth. Thanks for letting me decide this time
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
My password hint says "not sunset, also facebook." i need to stop doing computer things while high. I will never figure this clue out.
Last night we looked at each other with an expression of "fuck I am so done being normal", took off our shirts, and danced around in our bras
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
A guy in a banana suit just got the whole bus to participate in a call and response version of Bohemian Rhapsody. HERO
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
It just makes sense. It's like I end a relationship, and wash myself of sin... with tequila.
Tell me that I didn't just get ash in my Russian and just mix it TF in bc who cares and life has no meaning.
Randomize
