I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
I've awoken at 3am again, in a night terror, just thinking about how big his dick was.
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
Let's run into the wild and just eat berries and have sex all the time.
I'm in my bed. Snow angles in fresh sheets. don't even try to get me out tonight.
I stopped his blowjob to raise 3 fingers & whistle the hunger games tune to the people walking past the window
My dick has a subreddit
do you think there's enough of the fabric you gave me to make a crop top for a cat?
he's been 21 for 38 minutes and he's already trying to fist fight this dude over his girl
awwwww babys first drunken mistake
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
So I lost my dignity between the strip club and your penis...
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