Whats up?
Drunk as a mother trucker with panties on her thumbnail..laying thee down
Stay up. I'm coming home in a little
Ill try..hurry!!!! Thine hour awaits you
WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
NO FUCKING WAY. PLEASE MAKE HER IMPLANT THAT POOR KID INTO A RESPONSIBLE UTERUS.
then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
Well Im currently dressed up as batman raiding frat houses for booze
be proud. or at least amused. an 18 yr old and a 25 yr old at least makes my average hookup age this week the same as my age.
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
After my mom met Tanner, she literally turned and said "he's from old money, top of his class at Emory, already has doctors courting him for jobs and judging from your vocal performance the other night, he's gifted in bed. Fake a pregnancy right now"
I come from her. Holy hell.
I want to be your penis for a week.
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
Now some guy that's in my phone as " Alex lip ring hot" is texting me and I don't where life is taking me
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
Remember when I got punched in the face on NYE last year? I don't
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
yea i'll help you find a man. but, when I say jump, you say on who.
Randomize
