i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
I just watched a woman in a full wedding dress and veil walk out of the chinese buffet...I no longer believe I have a problem, and am afraid I am underdressed.
We had to go visit his dealer in the hospital to buy some weed.
I WANT MY VAGINA TO POUND AT NICE THINGS.
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
all I'm saying is if you're gonna fuck a fat chick do it in a pool it's like zero gravity or something
how did you graduate high school
Thanks for setting a pic of your balls as my desktop background. You'll find you're cc'ed on the mass email of it.
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
Is it too early to get staydrunk at 1pm on Friday for Monday's St Patty's day
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
Seriously I'm not after your cock. It's a nice bonus, like finding $20 in the dryer, but not the reason I hang out with you.
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